Caring for an Aging Parent is a Family Affair

Managing the finances for a family can seem daunting; there are budgets to balance, bills to pay, medical expenses to figure out, and futures to plan. Increase that responsibility to managing two families, and the task of caring for a parent’s financial well-being, is understandably difficult.

More often than not, when a child is caring for a parent, it is due to some incapacity. Such is the case for me and my sisters. Our father suffers from Alzheimer’s, a degenerative disease that kills brain cells, thus creating a progressive loss of memory and mental function. With little ability to manage his own resources, my husband, Rodi, and I have taken on the role of caretakers for my father’s finances.

The money management of an adult with Alzheimer’s includes vast, varied, and ever-changing requirements. Much like the disease itself, the management of finances for someone with Alzheimer’s brings new challenges and unexpected dilemmas. As certified public accountants, my husband and I are familiar with the financial world, but adjusting to the job of caring for my ill father is a challenge. Rodi and I, as well as my two sisters, Mercedes Garcia- Iñiguez Motzer, Eta Delta/U of Florida, and Lucy Garcia-Iñiguez Marshall, Upsilon Beta/ Rollins College, have learned to approach the task with constant vigilance.

Incorporating a durable power of attorney agreement while dad was still of sound mental capacity was an extremely critical move for our family. The power of attorney agreement allows me to act on my father’s financial behalf in any required capacity.

In addition to that legal move, our family established a life estate for my father’s home. I worried that his declining mental state would cloud his judgment, but the life estate settles the fear of dad’s home being sold or its controlling interest being transferred to another person. With so many caregivers going in and out of his house, that possibility existed.

Our next tactical move required the removal of my father’s checks from his home. We found that he had given his routing number and bank account to someone over the phone, and they had withdrawn money from his account. I now keep an even closer eye on the balance sheet, and Rodi monitors dad’s accounts online each day to try to prevent thefts and catch irregularities.

From my accounting background, I know that you must remain cynical to safeguarding the assets. Dad now has a live-in caregiver with him, and as much as we love her, I still changed the address on all of his bank accounts so that his statements come to my house now, and the information is known only to us.

Adding a caregiver into the equation meant tackling additional financial responsibilities. With the incorporation of new staff, dad is legally responsible to report the wages to the state unemployment office as well as on his personal tax return. This includes withholding both Social Security and Medicare tax from the employee’s wages and, in our home state of Florida, reporting it quarterly.

The weight of caring for my father is a challenge, but my biggest challenge has been maintaining my father’s respect throughout the disease’s process. He is not a child: He is an adult who processes information like a child. Even though he does not understand and can’t do it for himself, I still tell him what is happening.

My advice to anyone faced with caring for an elderly parent or family member is to be aware of the toll it can take and the time it requires. We are blessed that we have been able to manage it all, but it is a family affair. My sister, Mercedes, handles his medicine. My husband and I handle the finances. And we all—Lucy, Mercedes, and I—handle the love. We love our father so much. There isn’t anything we wouldn’t do for him.